Letter I wrote to Chris Lovely, acting like Seneca, about the H1N1

I am sorry to hear of your troubles with this modern ailment known to all of us as the swine flu, Christopher Lovely. I have heard of its fevers and the shake that it induces in the entire body, and it is truly unfortunate that it has taken its hold in you. I remember when I was younger I too was taken aback by a flu, though not as severe, and let me tell you that it was not very pleasant by any means. This was before we were to take our trip across the lands of Europe, and on many an occasion I felt an urge to cut my life short there and then, but I realized that there were times when even to live is an act of bravery and that this was one. Since we are good friends, and epically due to the fact that we were about to depart on our journey, I did not.
There is nothing, Chris, quite like the devotion of one’s friends for supporting one in illness and restoring one to health, or for dispelling one’s anticipation and dread of death. This is why I am writing you now. Your friends will help you through this flu, even though we had told you to get the vaccination shot, because we do not want you to take your own life because of the complications associated with the illness. If you did take your own life in a fit of troublesome pain, I do not believe that you would be passing away but passing on your spirit to me. This, Chris, would cause me great disappointment and many worries of the mind.
The pain caused by your infliction will be great, but you should put your whole heart into the fight against this most dreadful flu. Remember that a man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is. This is important; do not let your pain inflict upon your spirit as much as it is upon your body. Think of the pain and punishment that the ultimate fighters take to the face and the body generally! They are able to put up with this suffering only because of their desire for fame, and you must put up with your pain because of the desire to live! You may complain a lot of the pain, but I will ask you now if it will stop you suffering it if you endure it in a womanish fashion?
Another thing that will help is to turn your thoughts to other things that will get you away from thinking about your suffering from this piggish set back. Think about when we were in Spain and living as well as younger men could live. Call your mind to the times when you were courageous, like when you went out and found us food in the middle of the darkest night all by yourself. Also, think about things that you admire the most: Warren Zevon, sitting with friends talking throughout the day, and spending time with your canine friends. Remember that this flu only can place its grips on your body, not on your mind as well.
One more note on your sickness before I leave you time to recover. The doctors will surely tell you how you should eat now that you have been taken over with this hog of a flu. You will be eating things that you are not fond of, and that others would find unbearable if forced to eat the same. Remember, you may be eating like a sick man, but you’ll at last be eating in the way a healthy man should. A time of sickness is not a time for luxury. All you need to do is keep healthy and try to make it though this ailment, and if you live out the rest of you life in a good way, then whatever you have been expecting for some time will come as less of a shock.